


Conversations About Lies

by Hecate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hecate/pseuds/Hecate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When you said the plan wouldn't work, you were lying." Post 5x13</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations About Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine, no money made.

"You were lying," Sam says to him minutes after Castiel wakes up. There's a question behind the statement, an accusation, too. "When you said Anna's plan wouldn't work, you were lying."

"Angels don't lie," he answers and that much is true. They don't. 

Sam makes a sound at that, something like laughter turned bitter and sour. Castiel doesn't look at him, not yet, just sits up slowly. He thinks he might be tired.

"Angels don't bleed either," Sam continues and words shouldn't hurt, not him, an Angel of the Lord. But they do, and maybe he isn't, not anymore.

Sam is staring at him. Worried and angry and something else, and Castiel is still overwhelmed by all the feelings that run through humanity at once, a blend of things formerly unknown. He's learning them these days, he knows those that caused him to fall. Love and loyalty and doubt. Faith, too, a new kind of faith, sharp and bright and in the shape of a man.

"It might have worked," he says finally, the words hesitant on his tongue. He wants to lie again but doesn't. Sam deserves that much.

"Then why..." Sam starts and Castiel looks at him, the boy with the demon blood. His ally, his _friend_. Castiel remembers him wild and broken, addicted to the taint in his veins. He betrayed Sam when he needed Castiel the most, betrayed both Winchesters for a heaven gone wrong.

Time to end the lies, and Castiel is suddenly _afraid_ , a feeling sharper than most. He takes a breath he doesn't need, says: "I failed you once." He watches as confusion sweeps over Sam's face. "I let you out of the panic room."

Sam is still for moments, a human eternity, and Castiel feels time so differently now, like a heavy cloak, like years passing. It's unsettling.

"Oh," Sam finally says and that is all there is.

"I followed my orders. I am... I was an angel. It's what angels do." 

Castiel puts it into words then, for the very first time, his slippery slide into something new. Not quite human, never that, but not what he used to be. "And I was wrong."

"That's not a reason to give up the world." Sam says after a few minutes tick by in silence, and Castiel nods.

"I'm not giving up on the world. But I'm not giving up on you either. Not again." Such final words, a conviction so strong it feels like the love he feels for his father, and it's so very strange to connect it to this tainted human.

Sam nods, carefully. Smiles. "Thank you."

Then, "Did you tell Dean?"

Castiel shakes his head, refuses to name what forces him to keep this from Dean even though he knows it can't end well. 

"You need to, at some point." Sam continues. "Lies have a tendency to catch up with you. I know that better than most."

Sam is right, of course, but Castiel is not sure he can deal with the consequences of what he has done.

"He'll be angry," he finally says. 

Castiel doesn't quite know when that started to matter, just knows that it does. If Uriel was still alive, he would kill Castiel for this alone. But Uriel isn't and Castiel has stopped caring about the angels' judgement when he took a stand for Dean and Raphael ripped him apart for it.

Sam nods. "But he'll forgive you."

Forgiveness, such a human thing to crave. Angels have no need for it, obeying means not ever being wrong. There's only one other angel who might have use for it, even though the Morningstar won't ever admit to it and Castiel hates to have one more thing in common with the devil. But he has. 

Sam breaks into his too human thoughts with a cough and a grimace. Embarrassment, Castiel thinks and tilts his head at Sam. Listens. 

"I forgive you, Castiel. Not that you need that, not from me because I screwed up. But I do. Forgive you."

It hits him, lightly and heavy at once, something inside of him breaking loose. Relief, still a rare feeling of the many he experienced so far, and he's grateful to Sam for giving this to him.

He stands up slowly, crosses over to Sam with tired steps, his vessel not yet healed. "Thank you."

Sam nods, gives him a small smile and Castiel looks at him, looks into him and sees all the things that are still broken.

"You're worth saving," he tells him, the simple words he has only given to Dean so far. But they're true, they're needed and they're coming late. Another failure, a human condition, and Castiel wonders briefly if he should get used to it.

"Despite of all I've done?" A whisper, a plea for benediction, and this is something Castiel can still give to Sam, to Dean.

He nods. "Because of all you have done. The people you have saved, the battles you have won."

Castiel pauses then, takes in the human before him, thinks of what lies ahead of them. He reaches out, covers Sam's hand with his own.

"Sam Winchester," he says and he hears heaven in his voice again. "It's an honor knowing you."


End file.
